For my blog for tonight, I will post less photos and more on talking. Haha. Let’s do this!
Why does my tummy looks so big in this photo? HAHA. Oh well, I love the facial expression, so whatever!
So my family and I went to the Korean bbq today after we went to the theatre to watch Chimpanzee. It was our second time watching the said movie. As what I told my husband, we as parents need to sacrifice. The movie is quite boring if you’re just used to.. you know adult movies (and when I say adult, I mean the thrillers, action and adventure, mysteries, etc. those stuff.. okay? lol). Our 2-year-old son loves the movie so we chose to watch that movie again.
top: Forever 21 ($6); bottom: paisley pants H&M ($29); shoes: Jeffrey Campbell ($160)
As you may have noticed.. I just love printed pants! I know some of my friends think I’m just out of this world since I tend to wear pants that are… let’s say… not ordinary, but hey! I love being different from other people! I love being me! This is a part of me that you’ll never.. ever take away from me.. yeah! Now, I sound like a crazy person! lol (pasensya na. may pagka-praning lang ako minsan! LMAO)
Okay. Now for the serious part, I would actually want you to stop reading my blog after the line. Do not read it if you think we have issues or any problem or whatever, because I will be honest with what I’m feeling right now. If you think this will cause problem between or among us, then stop reading.. PLEASE. But if you really want to know what I’m feeling, and you think you can handle it… then go read it. If you’re just curious about what’s happening with my life right now, then read it also. I know we get bored sometimes. hehe
Another chance to back out. Seriously. I will tell all what’s going on. I just think that since this is MY BLOG SO I CAN SAY WHATEVER I WANT. I AM ENTITLED TO MY OWN WAY OF EXPRESSING WHAT I’M FEELING! Right? So if you think this will cause rivalry or any tension between us… I’m begging you to leave.
Well, I guess. You just want to know what I’m really feeling right now! Okay then.
I’m telling you now, this is going to be super long and super emotional. So please bear with me. lol Oh and if you have decided that you’re going to read the next part, you have to read it from start to finish. 🙂
I’ve had 3 ex boyfriends. Well, at least that’s what I tell people! haha! I mean, I’ve had 3 SERIOUS ex boyfriends!
“B”who was my first love which lasted for just one month since we had to leave the Philippines and migrate to Canada. He was the “man of my dreams.” Well, a part of it. I always wanted to marry someone who could play the guitar and sings! “B” was really good at that. He would sing songs for me and he would play guitar! Every time he did those small things, I just knew he was my forever! Well.. I thought he was my forever! We promised each other that we will be each other’s “forever”! Okay… Nope. That did not happen! I was only 16! I had my first period just 2 years before that! I did not know what “forever” really meant! We broke up since he was cheating on me and chose another girl… I could not blame him. It was a long distance relationship! Yow dude, if you’re reading this.. screw you! lol Just kidding. We’re good friends now and I’m happy that he’s happy.
My second love was “M”. When I met his beautiful face, I thought he could be my “man of my dreams!” His dimple, his cute face… every girl had a crush on him! Isn’t that a part of every girl’s prince charming? Cute and hot? I do not blame those girls who stared at him, even though he was kinda short, he was really cute and was really “macho”! Well, he could be my “forever”, right? Who knows?!?!?! When “M” and I became together, I was the one who cheated on him. 😦 I still had feelings for “B” even though it was already 2 years since we broke up! Poor “M”! Still, he showed me how much he cared and how much he loved me! Okay, so who could break up with that kind of guy?!?! Plus, his family was the nicest family! His aunts, cousins, siblings, plus his parents were the nicest and the most welcoming people I’ve ever met! I felt I was already a part of that family! Well, let’s just say that time.. that was my fault. I was a little “wild” so I was hitting two birds with one stone. (hahaha. that’s not what the saying really means.. I know! Let me just break the tension) Oh but wait… I’ve heard that this guy was actually cheating on me the whole time we were together! How true was that?!?? (If you’re reading this). Lol. I loved him, he loved me… but I don’t know. It was hard. He was from the Philippines as well. Long distance relationships, for me, just don’t work.
When I came back to Canada again after I had my vacation in the Philippines, and after breaking up with “M”, I met a new guy! The funny part was, it was his older brother who I first had a crush on, then it was his younger brother… so he was my third “crush”. lol He was the last choice. HAHAH. jk. Let’s just say that before I met them, I had a “bad” reputation. lol The moment I knew him, my third crush, I just knew… he did not care about all those. Maybe because he was once wild as well when he was a kid? Yeah, that’s what I think! lol jk. I think natamaan lang siya ni cupido! I think he just found me pretty! lol Well, I did not care what the reason really was. For me, I just thought that it was… LOVE! It was LOVE.. FOREVER LOVE!
With all the rumor going on about me, with all the bad things people said about me… Dale and I loved each other! People did not want us to be together, but we loved each other that no one could separate us. Naku po! neknek! That was a lie! We broke up after 2 months of being together! He said it was hard – it was the hardest love that we both had experienced! It was hard – no one knew that it was “us”! He told me not to tell anyone that we’re already boyfriend and girlfriend! It was a FORBIDDEN LOVE! No one was supposed to know or we have to end our relationship! Well, we broke up after 2 months! He’s the most weirdest guy, though if I must say! He broke up with me, but every day he would visit me and try to win me back (because I was trying to move on and was trying to date other guys). But as what they say, if you’re destined for each other, then love will find a way to keep you together!
I just knew that Dale was my forever even though he could not sing and play guitar… he was very very very very very smart, he had the sexiest posture (straight body talaga! pak na pak), he was kinda cute (LOL kinda lang), but what I really loved about Dale was.. he was a son of God! Well, we all are sons of God, but Dale and I came from the same religion. AHAAAA!!!!!!!! First boyfriend from the same religion, so I knew that this was who God sent me to marry and have kids! lol
Well, kid… Just A kid for now. I got pregnant when I was 19. Pretty young huh? Have I thought of abortion when I found out I was pregnant? Even though I knew it would be hard and I had to sacrifice my personal dreams, I never even thought of that! Not just because that was what my religious belief says… but because that baby I was carrying was a part of me… not only that… he was a part of the guy I really really loved. He was a part of the forever!
So I got married on that same year! Oh you know what’s funny? Dale asked me to marry him 2 days before our wedding date! HAHAHA! He was madly in love with me. He confessed that he wanted us to get married right away coz he did not want me to “think about the future” and decide to not marry him since I was still young. HAHA.
So we get married…
AND WE LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER!
Okay. Blame the fairytales! They made us believe that marriage is “the happily ever after”. Well, I’m telling you.. no. That’s not true at all!
Let me say though, the first year… we didn’t have any problems at all! Maybe we were too busy with Jabi, my cutest kid! Problems started to arise though… financial, our time… I wanted Dale to finish school. I wanted him to finish “something” not just for our family but for himself! So I really made sure that he would go back to school. He enrolled in Civil Engineering Technology even though Architecture was his first love. As for me, I wanted to give my family a nice future… so I tried nursing even though I really didn’t like bio. lol When you build your own family, you don’t think about what you like, you learn to sacrifice. As a parent, you try to be mature. As a parent, you take care of your kid, you should stay at home and just take care of your little one. You should cook for your own family. You should be the slave of your husband… you should do this… do that… do this.. do that… Okay?
Dale and I had different problems in our relationship… well, as what they said the first 7 years are the hardest! We had problems but we keep it just just between the two of us. “Problemang mag-asawa, dapat sa mag-asawa lang”. If we have problems though that we think is getting worse, we tell my family – just my mom, dad, aunt, and uncle. We vent our frustrations to them coz we know we won’t be judged! We know that they will try to fix “us”. Most importantly, it would just among us… the walls of the house are boundaries. No one could ever know that we shout at each other, that we “dabog”! lol Can I tell you how many times Dale had packed his bags? COUNTLESS! lol Can I tell you how many times I threw Dale’s clothes in the drive way?! COUNTLESS! lol
Did other people know that?! NO! Were they there when all of these were happening?! NO!
Did they see how Dale and I tried to reconcile… how happy our family was even though we had problems?! Well, nope. I guess, some people were too busy looking at my mistakes as a mother and as a wife.
So what makes a perfect wife? The one who cooks for her own family, the one who doesn’t boss around her wife, who doesn’t do this… who does that… oh wait. Let me tell you, I don’t do those and I don’t have any plan of doing all those! I think no one has the right to tell people that “You’re not a good wife or you’re not a good mother”. I was the one who held my husband’s hand when he needed assistance. You were not there when he was broken hearted and was crying because he lost a loved one, I WAS THERE! I never left my husband when he was down! If you’re telling me I cheated on my husband… I never touched a guy’s hand and flirted. Yes, I’m vocal that I find other guys cute… but you do not have the right to tell me I was not loyal with my husband because I have a blog and I dress up like a single woman… that I wanted to flatter other guys around. It’s very disappointing how people have become so judgemental.
You know what hurts the most? When the people you have respected and loved the whole time, the people who you think will try to help you during the times you need them, will be the people who will try to pull you down.
People ask for help because they trust you. People ask for assistance because you know you can help. People do not come to you just because they wanted to be judge. It’s just funny how people say “just tell us when you need help”. Really? Is this what “help” means to you?!
I thought that for 3 years, I knew people. I thought that for 3 years, people knew me already. Well, I guess I’m wrong. People stick to what they believe… people never forget, they try to look at your flaws… and when the time comes, they attack you!
If I already became a part of your life, you should have known that I am a good person. Yes, I do not cook for my family, but I freaking work hard on my studies because I want my son to be enrolled in the most nicest school! Yes I did not quit school and stayed home to take care of my kid, because that’s my preference! Did you know that when Dale needed something, it was me who provided him?! Oh yeah, isn’t that supposed to be the father/husband’s responsibility!??! But I never thought that Dale was a bad father or a husband! Instead I helped him!
I am a wife. I am not a girlfriend. I am the mother of my son. Whether I cook or not, whether I was or still am a brat, This is me! Dale married me like this! Yes, we do argue on how I behave… But we also do argue on how he acts as a father/husband. Does this mean we both are bad parents/spouses? No. What I want to say is… No one has the right to tell me that I’m a bad mother/wife because of what you have heard. Oh yeah, you have heard of what again? Sorry huh, but what you have heard was just a part of the story. Oh and you already reacted right away even though you have not heard the story. Well, why would you listen anyways? I’m just THE wife.
I do blog not to impress other people, because as what I said, this is where I say what I really feel. I do not wear “fashionista clothes” because I want to be fashionista and attract other people! I am doing all of these, because I want Dale to not leave me! I want Dale to realize that it is hard to leave me! I want him to be proud that he has a beautiful wife! More importantly, everyone needs a self-worth. But wait, why do I have to explain this?! Really!?!??!!? This is an issue?!?!?! This is too funny!!!
Maybe you’re asking if I love Dale then why do we get to the point that we pack each other’s clothes?! Well, the truth is.. he never left the house even though he packed his clothes… except for once. I really threw him away from our house. You know it’s hard when you know that you did not do anything and the guy just doesn’t trust you.. the worst, when that person said things that you know you do not deserve! I just knew that time we needed space!
Why I needed space? Not because I do not love him anymore… but because I was too scared that I was going to lose all the respect that was left! You would never understand unless you would be in that position.
Dale is funny and unfair though! When we both have problems, he goes to my mom right away! He knows that my mom will take his side! Unfair, right?! lol
But after all the problems we’ve been through, I have realized one thing!
I love Dale, and Dale loves me!
I hope people would just be happy for us. Funny how people still reacts with all what happened, and we as couple have moved on! You were affected?! How so?!?! Did you ask me my side?! Did you know the whole story?!?! Did you know how hurt I was with all what happened?!?!?! well, I guess no one cared.
Bad thing with people is.. we judge right away. Oh well, now we know! Now we get to know people deeper!
Oh one more thing I’ve learned!
If we have problems, then it should just stay in our house because I never knew issues can go overseas! So disappointing!